Three More True Stories About getting Old, religion, and Life

Three more true stories:

If your a Christian/Catholic, in any way believe in Jesus on the cross:

Out of ten kids, when you get old you are gonna end up with the irresponsible junkie, the one you don’t even like, the one the whole family can’t stand. Why? because she’s homeless. You five remaining kids have their own lives to live.

(Happened to two old people I know, thus far. Better than a nursing home? I guess. you know the junkie’s only there to rip off your pain pills, but whatever.)

You might have great plans for your grandkids but if you adopt some out of wedlock monster that never should have been born (but abortion was illegal!) because you need a “son” to carry on your name here’s the story of what happened in my house with the Virgin Mary in the yard and dead bloody Jesus everywhere:

On your deathbed your adopted son is gonna come visit you the last day of your life and make you sign a paper leaving your house to him, changing the original will which had the house deeded to your two grandchildren your blood-daughter had. Satan's spawn is gonna sell it and become a slumlord with some shit-hole houses he buys in Newark.

That house you paid of two years before you dropped dead went on to make the adopted son a successful criminal with a junkie wife and a teen juvie delinquent daughter already in trouble with the law. They did carry on your name, though. Nice job. Your blood relatives are still renting, usually from douchebag slumlords just like your adopted son. Hope you’re reading this from heaven, but somehow I doubt it. I'm not blaming you, you were really already dead when the will was changed. However, if your watching, we'd like our house back and perhaps someone could smite the slumlord you nurtured to adulthood. Maybe put in a word with the lightning striker.

I had a boss when I was a teenager. She was Jewish and had lived through awful things. Her husband was dead and I can only guess why. She treated me like her own child. She treated everyone who worked for her like her own kids. She had a daughter and she and her daughter were as tight as anything.

She fed me, she advised me (“never start a business with your own money,” she made me start a Christmas club savings account, she knitted me a blanket when I went to college, and told me I should get out of my cold-water firetrap flat when I didn’t even know that’s what I was living in.

Could it possibly be the Christians hate the Jews because the Jews are smarter, more compassionate people? Granted, I don’t know a ton of Jewish people, but my experience with them is always positive. I know a gazillion Christians and in that I’d say it’s a fifty-fifty thing. The thing is, even the ones who are super-nice seem to want to convert you. Even the ones who aren't going to convert you seem to feel there's going to be a reckoning day for you, so they are judging you. It's passive aggressive. They don't want to argue with you so they act like, "Oh, you'll see. You're gonna be sorry." It's so frustrating because once your dead how do you say, "I'M NOT SORRY FOR NOT BELIEVING THIS WASN'T HERE," if it isn't? They have circular logic and loopholes like fruitloops.

 I never had a Jewish person try to get me to be Jewish, though I’ve attended a few Jewish celebrations. I was always welcomed, but never in that smarmy, "you gotta come back" way.

I have attended Church picnic Galore, for many churches, and almost always felt that pressure, be it in the North or the South, but especially in the South.