Tennessee is the state that ranks second on the "fuck you" poll, mainly because surveyors were told, "Fuck you," by Tennesseeans.

Tennessee - Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia:

It still lags behind New Jersey, though.


'via Blog this'

Tennessee (/tɛnɨˈsiː/, or 'TAN-uh-say' by local residents) is a long, rectangular state located in the Southern United States. It joined the Unionin 1796 as the 16th state, but changed its service plan after the bicentennial due to the United States Government's unwillingness to make it the nation's capitol. Tennessee is in a region known as the "Bible Belt," lending to its conservative Christian influence. Tennessee is also the home of Kentucky Bourbon and Elvis "Hound-dog" Costello.

Motto: Whoops, was that your dog?

Anthem: Ode To A Whiskey Boy

Admission to Union	1 June, 1796
Population	6,156,719 on Monday through Friday, 3,156,719 during holiday hours.
Primary Exports	Cotton, christianity, racism, novelty airbrushed shirts, Dolly Parton CDs, traumatized tourists
Primary Imports	Slim Jims, Orange dye for making Volunteers paraphernalia

Capital	Nashville
Largest city	Windows 98 (or was it Memphis?)
Highest Elevation	Clingmans Dome - 6'643 ft (2'026 metres)
Duke	Robert Haslam, 49th Duke of Tennessee (R)
President	Jackson Daniels, II (Whig)
Time Zones	Eastern Tennessee Eastern: UTC-5/-4 Everything Else Central: UTC-6/-5

People

Tennessee claims to have the nicest people in the country, but that is false. Common greetings are:

• Welcome to Tennessee, the FUCK YOU state.
• Get the hell out of my state (flips middle finger)
• You're from Alabama! Ha! Fuckin' redneck...
• Florida sucks, fuck you bitch!
• Damn Yankee! Fuck you!
• Watch your fuckin car you fuckin piece of dog shit!
• Move it buddy, fuck you.
• Ooo, look! Mississippians! Country comes to town! Hey, Mississippi! Fuck you!
• LOL, fuck you, you suck! (points to Texas license plate)
• Watch it you shit-for-brains Kentuckian! FUCK... YOU!
• Fuck you asswipe!

Memphis

A central location for Tennessee's African-American community, making it the most violent city in the United States after Hirare, Zimbabwe. Justin Timberlake was also born here, coincidentally making it the city most likely to bring the sexy back. Elvisism is the major religion here, due to being the home of who else? Tourists flock to Memphis just to take a glimpse at Graceland, Elvis' estate where he's hiding after his "death" in 1977 and is buried in the back yard like a common hamster.

Chattanooga

Chattanooga was named after legendary goat farmer James P. Chattanooga and was the site of the bloodiest battle in Armenian history. Most of its residents enjoy the sweet embrace of death as well as the dulcet sounds of the Chattanooga Chew-Chew.

Bristol

The motor racing capital of the South and a hot spot for racers, its main attraction is the Bristol Motor Speedway. And that's about it.

editKingsport

Home of the Eastman chemical plant, where various flavors of meth are produced alongside photographic chemicals.

editJohnson City

Home of ETSU. Nothing to do but study, drink, smoke weed, and screw! And the prudes praise Jebus

editClarksville

One of the best cities in the state. Known as one of Middle Tennessee's best kept secrets, although it once secretly belonged to Kentucky before Tennessee traded 3 hot chicks and a Rocket launcher for it. Visit Clarksville for a weekend and you'll probably leave severely injured. It's a home where Fort Campbell soldiers rest from any war. 90% of families living here are soldiers and war veterans. The city is mostly filled with black people. If you live in Clarksville and don't know anyone in the military, you're probably dead. Austin Peay University is here [Aus-tin PEE], The slogan? Let's go Peay!! [no seriously, I'm not fucking kidding] (he really isn't kidding) (he's serious)

editOak Ridge

Birthplace of God's Gift To Earth, God's Daughter, and Jesus's Little Sister (more commonly known as Megan Fox).

East Tennessee

• Alcoa - Alcoa is short for Aluminum Company of America. Millions of used aluminum soda cans are recycled there; these are sent into the smelter. Employees working in Alcoa earn half a buck every year in the same junk they recycle. The entire city has no sense of humor and is inferior both academically and physically to their neighbors in Maryville.
• Allardt - We have some big ole pumpkins.
• Athens - It is Tennessee's dairyland, home of its infamous dairy processing plantMayfield.
• Clarkrange - Also known as 'Crankrange'
• Cleveland - Actually a city in Ohio.
• Clinton - Named for the most famous Tennesseean (er...Arkansan).
• Crab Orchard - Tennessee's largest exporter of Maryland Blue Crabs. The people of Crab Orchard take great pride in their crabs and everyone has them. Coming to Crab Orchard? Well, you're getting crabs too! The locals will make sure of it.
• Crossville - Shit metal hardcore emo bitch capital of the south. More shit metal comes out of this city than every other city in Tennessee combined. The local train depot is a popular tourist destination. Also home to a lot of old people who love metal.
• Dandridge - Crumpled bud light cans, rotting roadkill, people who own $50,000 boats and live in shanties on the lakeside. It gets better when you get downtown to the heart of the city though. It consists of a variety of out of business boutiques, a pharmacy with a ballkickin' soda fountain, and a one lane bridge that is commonly referred to as the "Blue Bridge" (even though it is green) that is divided into two lanes, making passing a car on the bridge a 3 mph nightmare. It should be noted that every single resident of Dandridge has the paint scraped on both sides of their cars.
• Dayton - Actually another city in Ohio.
• Etowah - Known for its bitter rivalry with neighboring city Ooltewah.
• Farragut - This town is an eclectic mix of rich kids and rednecks. Mentioning Bearden High School will get you run over by a 16 year old girl's Range Rover.
• Fountain City - Shitty skateboarding town outside of Knoxville where teens smoke dope.
• Gatlinburg - Tennessee's winter getaway.
• Greenback - The origin of the redneck accident came from chewing what they call "'baccer"
• Harriman - A depressed town, nothing here but the abandoned movie theater.
• Jamestown - Where drug addicts and Northerners go to die. And home to the smallest Wal-Mart in the world.
• Jefferson City - A decent place to live, in the city only though. Don't leave the city.
• Jellico - The closest place the communists from Corbin, KY, can get their beer.
• Kingston - Water is contaminated here after tons of coal ash spilled from the Kingston steam plant.
• Knoxville- If you're not a Tennessee fan, then you will be shot within five miles of the city.
• Kodak - Named after the film company, it's the home of the minor-league baseball teamTennessee Smokies. Just north of Sevierville along I-40.
• La Follette - Un village français de charme sur la côte nord du Tennessee. Si vous êtes américain, il peut être nécessaire d'avoir un traducteur pour votre voyage vers ce village pittoresque où l'ensemble de la population parle français.
• Lake City - Contrary to popular belief, Lake City contains 1 lakes.
• Lenoir City - Mexicans are taking over the city and its businesses, run!
• Loudon - if you want your teen daughter pregnant, send her to Loudon High School
• Madisonville - Named after a little girl... or something.
• Maryville - Pronounced "MUR-ville" by people who vote for W/McCain/Palin. Bitter enemies of the Alcoa infidel.
• Morristown - Another one of Tennessee's wetback Hispanic meccas.
• Mooresburg - One of the largest meth producers in Tennessee, second only to the Eastman company.
• Mountain City - A town at the eastern end of Tennessee, about 500 miles away from Memphis.
• Newport - The gayest place in Tennessee located in Cocke county. Cockfighting was once legal here. A shithole. Like Wal-Mart & Bojangles? Newport is the place for you! Like anything other than Wal-Mart and Bojangles? Newport is not the place for you.
• Niota - From the Cherokee Indian term for "Stupid."
• Oak Ridge - The most recognizable place in East Tennessee. A race of atomic mutants is said to live underneath the Y-12 National Laboratory.
• Ocoee - The 1996 Olympics borrowed this town for the whole summer season. It is known as the rowing/kayak capital of Tennessee. In 1996, Olympians from Atlanta rushed here to compete for a gold medal in rowing.
• Ooltewah - Voted "Most Unoriginal Name" by the nearby town of Etowah.
• Pigeon Forge - The Las Vegas of Tennessee without a casino, its main attraction is theDollywood amusement park. Also the birthplace of Dolly Parton, who funnels the taxpayers' money to enhance the size of her breasts.
• Rockwood - Wal-Mart is seen above while you drive eastbound on I-40.
• Rogersville- A Black Hole full of Preppy Christians.
• Rutledge- maters maters maters maters maters skylar mcbee maters maters.
• Sevierville - Good city for tourists who don't know English. A very small vocabulary will get you all Sevierville really has to offer. Only essential vocabulary: "All you can eat," "Dinner & Show," "NASCAR." Surprisingly contains a bookstore, and people have been reported to actually go in there.
• Strawberry Plains - Nothing but corn and cows here, don't stop unless your truck runs on corn or cows.
• Sweetwater - Home of the largest water storage in the world and nothing else (it's hidden underground). This is used for backups just in case of drought.
• Talbott - A very unincorporated place in Eastern Tennessee; there is a lot of drug usage here and uncivilized people.
• Tellico Plains - Ironically, the high school sits atop a hill. There are a few stores. That is all.
• Townsend - There's a river?
• Vonore - You're making that up.
• Washburn - A partially non-existent dream world, once called Silent Hill, where you can make all your wildest fantasies come true with the abundant amounts of meth.

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Middle Tennessee

• Antioch - Where the Mexican, Black, and Native American gangs shoot at each other on a daily basis. Also known as "Hispanioch".
• Austin Peay - Peayness: Feel it! Share it! Rub it! Love it! Mix it! Mash it! Quick now hide it! Mostly populated by black people, with some war veterans thrown in.
• Belle Meade - The Beverly Hills of Tennessee; Country singers owns big houses here.
• Brentwood - The town that's glad it's not Franklin. Despised by the rest of the state for the high number of snobby upper class citizens with ridiculous houses.
• Byrdstown - Jamestown minus Wal-Mart, McDonalds, a stop-light, or any places of interest besides some guy's birthplace. Come on down to Dale Hollow Lake and have yourself a sip of its magical pristine water.... that gets all the women bare-foot and pregnant by the age of 16 in this town. It goes well with a steaming pile of tea-party conservatism and bigotry served to you by the good ol' city of Byrdstown. Ya'll come back now, ya hear?!
• Cookeville -The de facto capital of Tennessee and home to Lord Bryan VII's Huge Imperial Mansion. It is also home to the "Second final victr'y over the Vile, evil Yankees under Generals Long and Lee" Battlefield. It is a small city that people from smaller cities flock to because it's not as small as their cities (and to catch a glimpse of their glorious leader). The town is dominated by a Wal-Mart, Sam's Club, and another Wal-Mart just feet beyond the city limits. Small business owners were brutally killed while Wal-Mart's stormtroopers burned their stores to ashes, then sent their kids to Sam's Camps(located in the Re-Education dept. in Wal-Mart stores) to be trained as future worker drones who will work until death. Cookeville is also home to TTU campus and is listed seventh on the top ten places to retire, making Cookeville the only city that is a college town/retirement community and leading to all around unhappiness, with high weed, beer, and RX pill sales for both sides. Clubs are opened, then closed, because churches and old people dislike them. So, most college students make the annual weekend migration to Nashville in order to go clubbing. Mexicans often reproduce here and move to nearby Monterey. Cookeville is also known for the Giant Probe War 2 era Statue to Ell Ron Hubbard exhumed by Archaeologists.
• Centerville- Part of Hickman County known to be where 3/4 of all rednecks of Tennessee live.
• Carthage - The birthplace of Weather Jesus. Has the second smallest Wal-Mart in the world, losing out to the Jamestown "UnSuper" Wal-Mart, and it still closes at 9pm.
• Columbia - Named after the capital of the cocks, I mean South Carolina! Just like 'The 803', the blacks got this town too. Ya can't touch their cocks either!
• Dixon - The home of Jonathan Ray England Bozarth, I mean bogart. A weird sprawly kind of town in the middle of nowhere, but at least there is a Pilot near the I-40 exit.
• Franklin - One of Tennessee's celebrity mecca. Churches are all over the town. Miley Cyrus is often spotted here on street corners alongside her pimps, The Jonas Brothers.
• Gallatin - Home of the local high school, the "Green Wave," named for the baby shit-tainted Cumberland River that runs through it. Also the birthplace of the American Idolcontestant Kimberley Locke.
• Hendersonville - The one town in Tennessee the blacks have yet to discover. Taylor Swift can be spotted here once a month with a different boyfriend every time.(Caution: Her boyfriends have been known to suck blood!)
• J-County - Also known as Jackson County and named after Jack Daniel's whiskey. Encompasses the "towns" of Gainesboro, Granville, Nameless, North Springs, and Whitleyville. This is the shallow end of the gene pool; chastity belts are advised.
• Joelton - Most people in Tennessee do not know this place exists. Built in the 1700's by a bunch of white-trash rednecks named Knight.
• Lebanon - Often mistaken as a small city, Lebanon is actually just an outlet mall in Nashville. Pronounced "Leb-nun."
• Lewisburg - The only place in the world where people have a little too much fun going to a festival for goats, but in order to balance out their creepy fetish, proclaim the festival "Goats, Music, and More"... The "music and more" part is never present, but the goat creepers always are.
• Lynchburg - The town in which Jack Daniels whiskey was first produced and the only place where a barrel of whiskey can be purchased as a souvenir.
• Manchester - A town south of Nashville that is only accessible during Bonnaroo.
• McMinnville - The town was well-known worldwide for the hottest teacher Pamela Rogers Turner, who had sex with the hottest high school guy.
• Monterrey - Mexican overload dump.
• Mount Juliet - Where people from Cookeville go to shop at Target.
• Murfreesboro - Home to [Middle Tennessee State University]. Bedroom community of Nashville...draw your own conclusions.
• Nashville- Country music capital of the Solar System. Governed by Taylor Swift and Jason Aldean.
• Sewanee - Only remaining medieval fiefdom in the United States, home to the University of the South which is Sewanee which is the University of the South which is owned by the non-proliferating dioceses of the southern Episcopal Church. Has an active gay, lesbian, and transgender population of two. Also home to one of the world's great carillons, which can be heard but not seen. Students can sometimes be found studying at local bars.
• Shelbyville - Home to a putrid chicken slaughterhouse, high amounts of Mexicans and Somalians, and the Tennessee Walking Horse Celebration.
• Smithville - A place where time forgot... Famous for Maggie's Landing Bar & Grille, the only place to buy a legal beer in DeKalb County. In fact, it's easier to get moonshine here than a bottle of legal whiskey or scotch.
• Smyrna - Where people from Nolansville go to look at poor people.
• Spring Hill - A massive subdivision, famous for their Super Kroger, where all the local young hooligans smoke pot and blare Toby Keith in the parking lot.
• Thompson's Station - Notable for a Baptist megachurch, whose minions run the entire town, including the shitty football team that failed at the 2007 State Championship.
• Tullahoma - Where people go to watch the grass grow and proceed to commit suicide.
• Waverly - Small, unassuming town. Avoid at all cost, as your brain will melt upon arrival.
• Winchester - Yuppies took over this once hick town.

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